


Confusing Bodies

by BunniesAndBooks



Series: The Christmas Calendar [13]
Category: Glee
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bodyswap, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 12:25:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2850785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunniesAndBooks/pseuds/BunniesAndBooks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day 13. Kurt/Rachel<br/>Prompt: They swap bodies and Kurt decides to give Rachel a blowjob.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confusing Bodies

Right from the start Kurt can tell that something is most definitely up. The sheets around him aren't the satin ones he'd fallen asleep with, the silken pajamas he'd worn to bed the previous night is replaced with a rougher, flannel one, and the lights are hitting him from the wrong side of the bed.

And that's just the things that he notices _before_ he opens his eyes, because once he does he's startled by the sheer pinkness surrounding him. It's everywhere; the walls, the ceiling, the bedding, the _floor_... 

Pictures of Barbra and Patti and Liza are hung up on the walls, and Kurt instantly knows where he is, remembers this room from the one time he visited it's owner. Remembers the horrendous make-over he gave her, all to try and sabotage her chances with Finn.

Not that it helped in the end.

But the question stands – what the _hell_ is he doing in Rachel Berry's bedroom?

Raking a hand through his hair, sighing, Kurt stops, laying paralyzed as his fingers clutches around thick strands of hair. Thick, _long_ strands of hair. What the-?

Shooting out of bed Kurt searches for a mirror, easily finding one in the adjacent bathroom. He stares at his reflection, mouth open in chock and confusion, brows furrowed as he looks at the person mirroring him.

Because that person looking back? Sure as hell isn't him. It's Rachel.

“What?” he squawks, and is terrified when Rachel's voice rings out, sounding slightly off to his ears, but it's clearly hers. “No, no, nonono...”

Kurt is panicking; pulling at that hair that most definitely doesn't belong to him, but that still makes his head – Rachel's head – ache. Tears are welling up in those brown eyes, so unfamiliar from his own pale blue one's, and the only thought running through his mind is 'what is happening to me?'

*

Not even two hours pass after that until Kurt has found his way back to his own home, figuring that there is where Rachel is – occupying _his_ body. The only reason it took him so long in the first place was because of his horror when going through the shorter girl's wardrobe; the panic at finding nothing but disastrous polyester blended skirts and shirts with those horrid animals on them – not to mention those three sets of pantsuits – almost more overwhelming than being stuck in Rachel's body. It had taken him twenty minutes just going through the part of her closet obviously dedicated to tacky Christmas sweaters.

Okay, so he's being a bit dramatic, but Kurt thinks that considering the circumstances, he's sort of allowed to.

In the end he'd found this brown woolen skirt that wasn't all too terrible, and he'd coupled it with the most basic white t-shirt he could find. It wasn't even close to anything he would wear voluntarily in public – or even at home, really – but it was the best he could do. Changing had been an whole other awkward encounter that Kurt refuses to dwell on.

Showering had of course been out of the question; there was no way he would ever do that to himself. Or Rachel. Merely peeing had been humiliating enough. And though Rachel had her own stack of moisturizers and other hygienic products Kurt refused to use any of them. Well, apart from the toothpaste, because _hello_? But no, he was going to take her shopping at a later time; was going to introduce her to the art of fashion and proper products that wasn't simply damaging your skin.

When he was back in his normal body that was.

Getting into his house had been a whole other matter. He would've called ahead and gotten Rachel to open the door for him herself if it hadn't been for two things. One – Rachel apparently didn't have his number, which kind of made sense since he could recall never getting hers either. And two – even if he did call he doubted she would answer. He had found that he in this body had woken up about five hours ahead of when he usually would, at an wholly incomprehensible and astounding five am, something that he'd heard from various sources that Rachel always did. If fallowing that logic it would mean that Rachel would sleep just as long as Kurt normally would, and thus wouldn't wake up for yet another few hours, and that when she did...

Let's just say Kurt dreaded waking her up.

But, problem at hand, getting into that house. He could always just unlock the door with the spare key they kept under the mailbox, but that would mean risking running into Burt once inside. Kurt couldn't tell if his father had gone to the shop yet or not; Burt always parked his car inside the garage, leaving the driveway for Kurt's Navigator.

For once Kurt cursed not knowing when his father left for work on Saturday's.

So no, that strategy was out, and so was sneaking in through one of the small basement windows. Those things were all shut and locked tight – Kurt always checked before going to bed, feeling safer if he knew nobody could break in through them.

That only left one thing, the thing Kurt dreaded most of all.

Ringing the bell he tried to think of something to say, what excuse he could tell to explain his early visit to the Hummel household. And as far as Kurt knew his father had never even met Rachel prior to this...

“Uhm, hi?” Kurt heard his father ask as he looked down at the rocks below his scuffling feet, brought out of his musings of believable lies. “Not to be rude or anything, but who are you?”

“Oh!” Kurt breathed, his mind running frantic. “I'm Rachel. Berry! I'm Rachel Berry, and I- well I know your son, and...”

“You in that club of his?” Burt asked, scratching his balded head before putting his cap back on. “Think I recognize you from that singing contest of yours.”

“Sectionals, yes,” Kurt sighed, relieved at the opening. “Kurt actually invited me over to work on a new number.” God, was it weird to talk about himself like this!

“Uh-huh. Are you sure he invited you at this time. Don't think I've seen my kid up before noon when he doesn't have school in the morning.” Just his luck that his dad knew him so well.

“Well, you see Mr. Hummel...” Kurt dragged out, mind whirring like crazy. “...I- I actually have temple later. I'm Jewish, you know, so I only had time to come over this early before my dads come pick me up.” That was something one did on Saturday's when you were Jewish, right? And thinking about Rachel's alleged dads he remembered one of the girl's trademark lines to say, so he added, “I have two gay dads you know.”

“...Right.” Kurt could see that his dad was even more confused now, but luckily he stepped aside. “Well, you should come in then.”

“Thank you,” Kurt gratefully said, hurrying inside from the chilling snow and frost. He was just about to walk straight over to the basement when his father's voice rang out, reminding him that Rachel wasn't supposed to know her way around.

“Kurt lives in the basement. It's that door on the right,” Burt pointed out before turning around. “Oh, and Rachel? I'd suggest bringing him a cup of coffee before you try to wake him up. Kid won't run without it.”

“Oh,” Kurt breathed, turning towards the large man. “Thank you.”

“No worries. I'll be going to the shop then,” Burt told him – her – pulling on his jacket. “Remember, coffee. It'll save your life kid.”

“Coffee – right,” Kurt counted off, pointing behind himself towards the kitchen. “That way right, uhm, sir?”

Burt huffed a small chuckle, nodding. “Yup. Nice you meet you Rachel. And good luck with Kurt.”

“Right,” Kurt drawled, getting a bit annoyed about how much his father was pointing out his difficulty with waking up in the mornings. It was getting old – quick. “Nice to meet you too.”

But Kurt took his advice and went to the kitchen when Burt closed the door behind himself, figuring it at least couldn't hurt. And his father did have a point – Kurt never really did work properly until he got his precious coffee. Waking up like he had that morning was virtually unheard of, he was never that awake and pliable when he had just opened his eyes in the morning, and Kurt blamed it on this new body he was in possession of.

Pouring a cup of the coffee his father had brewed earlier that morning Kurt made a new attempt at walking down to the basement, and gosh was it weird seeing himself sleep like that? On his bed he saw his body laying sprawled out like a starfish, hair tussled beyond recognition and mouth open... and was that drool? Did he drool when he slept? Kurt didn't know he did that! God, how could he be so disgusting?! But, oh! Maybe it was Rachel who was drooling...

Shaking his head at himself Kurt walks closer, placing the steaming cup down on the bedside table before reaching out and shaking the sleeping body.

“Rachel?” Kurt asks, trying to wake her up. “Rachel, come on, wake up. Rachel?”

She only mumbles lowly – and on a side note, does he really sound that rough in the mornings? – and turns over, though not before nearly punching him in the face.

“Come on Rach,” Kurt wheedles, shaking her – his – shoulder harder. “Wake up now.”

“'m sleeping,” she grumbles, hugging the pillow close to her and burrowing down. Holy Gaga, Kurt will never complain about his father again, not if it's this difficult waking him up every morning in time for school.

“Up, Rachel. You really need to wake up, okay?”

“No,” she hisses, turning onto her stomach and pulling the pillow down on top of her head, hiding herself from him. “'m tired,” he hears a muffled rumble from beneath the billowy pillow.

“...I've got coffee,” Kurt tries, but doubts it will work.

“Coffee?!” At that Rachel is sitting up, her hands pawing at the air. “Gimme,” she whines, her eyes heavy lidded and sleepy as she reaches for the outstretched cup Kurt is handing her. “'m so good,” she mumbles as she sips on the hot liquid.

It's weird, to say the least, watching his body sitting there rumpled and barely awake, choking back a scalding cup of coffee. Especially considering it's not even him doing it. That it's Rachel hiding in his body.

He is _so_ going to need therapy after this.

“That better?” he asks, sitting down in his desk chair, watching her carefully as he smooths the skirt down on his lap. Rachel's lap. Whatever.

“Mhmm,” she hums, clutching the mug between her hands, face blissed out and serene. “...Wait...” And now there's a frown lodged deep between her eyes – she's obviously beginning to catch up. “What-?”

When she looks up at him in confusion he can see the myriad of thoughts and emotions whirring past that face. Chock, confusion, disbelief, just to name a few. The 'what the hell is going on' is apparent from the way she's looking at him.

And then she _screams_.

Kurt has to stick his fingers in his ears from the sheer loudness that girl is emitting – but the knowledge of another few high notes he is _most definitely_ able to hit is carefully folded away into his memory. He will thank Rachel for that after he's stolen the next solo from her.

“No! No, this isn't happening! What-? Why-?! No. I'm sleeping. I'm obviously still sleeping. This isn't happening. No, no, no!” She's pinching herself, still not aware of just _who's_ body it is she's marring. Kurt winces just watching the strength she's putting into her pinches, just _knowing_ there will be bruises later from that.

“Nope, Berry. Not a dream,” Kurt tells her, crossing his arms.

“Oh God,” she breathes, staring at him intently. “So what? There's two of me now? No, that just isn't happening. It _can't_ happen!”

“Are you really that stupid?” Kurt can't help but ask, rolling his eyes. “Look down you nitwit.”

“What do you mean- aargh!” she screams again, freaking out as she stares down at the – to her – unfamiliar body. “What did you do to me?!” she screams, pointing at him dramatically.

“Oh, calm down Rachel,” Kurt groans, drawing his fingers through the weirdly long hair. “You think I was happy waking up in Strawberry Shortcake's house this morning? There is no way I would've done this voluntarily – except, well, I might just get Finn to make out with me now. Huh, I hadn't thought of that earlier,” Kurt muses, tilting his head at the possibilities.

“...Kurt?” Rachel stammers, eyes wide when Kurt looks back at her.

“Uhm, yes. Who did you think I was?” Kurt giggles, tilting his head wonderously at the girl.

“I- I'm not sure...” she settles with, burying her face in her hand. She stills when she rakes the fingers through the short hair not many moments after. “Oh, that's weird.”

“Hmm, guess I should've brought more coffee,” Kurt thinks aloud, just watching the girl as she comes to terms with her new discovery. McQueen knows how long it had taken him.

*

“...So how long do you think it will take until we're back in our own bodies?” Rachel asks, sipping on the last few drops on her third cup of coffee, her bare feet just barely touching the floor from where she's sitting on the bed.

“No idea,” Kurt tells her dejectedly. “Guess we're just gonna have to wait it out I suppose.”

“Mmm. Try and make the best of it.”

Kurt agrees. What else can he do? Life is not like a movie, and even if it was, Kurt doubts that there's much Lindsey Lohan can ever teach him of it.

“Ooh!” Rachel shouts, placing the cup down and standing up. “I know what we can do! Though unplanned this is a spectacular chance for me to judge and train my own voice without the infuriating need of a recorder of some form. You could sing to me so that I can learn what to do better. Not that I'm not already amazing,” she adds trying to flip her hair over her shoulder, not remembering it isn't present anymore and pouting when she comes up short, “but there's always room for improvement.”

“Or...” Kurt drags out, already dismissing _that_ idea, “we could do something else that doesn't entail me being your personal slave for the day.”

“But-”

“No Rachel.”

“Hrmpf,” she sulks, crossing her arms.

He only rolls his eyes and bites his tongue to keep from saying something about her being such a grumpy toddler. He does _not_ need her to be in one of her moods, not today and definitely not like this.

Looking at her Kurt wonders about what they could do. Obviously Kurt using this chance to get a chance with Finn isn't going to happen – no matter how tempting – because not only would Finn hating him forever afterwards, but Kurt would hate himself just as much, if not more, if he did. Rachel probably wouldn't mind killing him for it as well...

They could probably have a musical marathon or something; just holing up somewhere to ride this thing out, and maybe make plans if this body-change seemed to last for awhile. It would be the sensible thing to do, but Kurt might kill the diva if needed to spend an extensive amount of time with her.

It's strange watching his own body like this, Kurt reflects as Rachel folds her legs together and sits crossed-legged on the bed. He's so familiar with it, with the pale planes and ridges of his skin. He knows just where the muscles hiding beneath that slim exterior hide, knows just where his freckles lie perched. But looking upon it like this? It's like seeing it with a whole new set of eyes – which, alright, bad description 'cause he sort of is, but the point stands. He's never really noticed just _how_ he looked; hadn't really noticed how grown up he looked – at least comparing to a few years ago when he really _did_ looked like an eleven year old milkmaid, and by the way, thanks for that Santana.

Now there's muscles – although somewhat hidden – where there only used to be skin and bones, his baby-fat has begun to disappear, leaving him with a look less innocent, and those additional few inches he'd grown since the last year actually _does_ show. A bit at least.

He actually looks kind of... handsome. Sort of sexy, even.

Blushing at his own train of though Kurt looks away, very much aware of how crazy he is for thinking like this. But the wall has been broken, and frame after frame flits past his eyes, presenting him with idea after idea of things he is now able to do with himself while in this body. Things that – no matter how much want or effort – just hadn't been possible before.

Never before has he had the opportunity of having someone else – that wasn't his father – hold him, or kiss him. Then there's the fantasies that aren't rated PG. Of giving somebody a handjob, of being fucked and fucking somebody in return. Of sucking somebody.

And, of course it's weird thinking about doing this to himself in a way – and in Rachel's body nonetheless – but it's also kind of arousing.

This switching of bodies have truly fucked him up more than he'd imagined, because now Kurt kind of can't stop looking. Or thinking rationally apparently, because those fantasies just goes on, and on, and...

“Can I give you a blowjob?” Kurt asks her, his eyes wide and staring at... well, his own crotch. He knows whats hidden under those pajama pants, of course he does, and he's narcissistic enough to find the idea of being able to blow himself a turn on. Of ripping that thin piece of fabric away and just sucking his own dick down to the hilt, choking and gurgling around it. He drools faintly just thinking about it.

Though he chooses to ignore how this particular body reacts to the thoughts whirling through his mind. It's better not to think about it if he wants to stay sane.

Rachel herself seems chocked in his body, mouth open and pale blue eyes widened greatly as those pale cheeks reddens hastily. “W-what?” she sputters, hands fumbling with the hem of the pajama shirt. Kurt happily notes how she's inching the fabric downwards to cover his dick – which is a ridiculous motion anyway, like he's never seen his own cock before – and he notices how the fabric beneath the shirt is stretched just a little further than usual, indicating that Rachel at the very least finds the thought intriguing.

“I want to give you – well, me, really – a blowjob,” Kurt tells her, standing and sauntering forwards towards her – himself? – and sitting down on the bed next to her. He feels kind of derisory, attempting to seduce Rachel like this when in her own body, yet he can't help but leaning himself in towards her, whispering into her ear lowly and slightly breathily. “I've never given one – never received one for that matter – and now that I sort of have the chance to get both at the same time I really want to at least try it.” He places a hand on the silken covered thigh beside him, and can feel it tremble lightly under his touch. “Please Rachel?” he asks, flicking his tongue out to trace a line up the bare neck before him, listening to how Rachel pants softly because of it.

“Urgh,” she groans, tilting her head to the side in invitation. “Won't that- won't that damage the vocal c-cords?” she asks, yet drags him closer to her throat, and he nips the skin carefully. The small gasp she gives out is breathtaking – yet it sort of makes him feel like he's participating in some weird masturbatory session. Still pretty amazing. “I just-”   
Rachel continues on, “I am strict to not participate in anything – huh! – that will compromise my natural capacity of accomplishing the – right there, Kurt! – high notes I am destined to gain my impending fame from. God Kurt! Are you certain that such an activity isn't just bound to end up in tragic and rob me of my chance to be a star?”

“Do you ever shut up?” Kurt asks rolling his eyes, thumbing over the small mark he'd left with his free hand – making her shudder in the process. “I am sure me sucking a cock down this throat will in no way endanger your vocal cords. Happy?”

“Mm, very,” Rachel hums. She turns her head and looks into his eyes. “Then sure, why not. I probably won't get a chance like this again anyway, and my dads have always told me to grasp whatever opportunity come my way.”

“You sure?” Kurt questions, his fingers inching their way up the strong thigh below them and soon coming to rest on the ever hardening bulge, stroking ever so lightly. “I won't do this if you aren't.”

“'m sure,” Rachel pants, hips softly bucking up and she whines, unused as she is to the new sensations rushing through her body. “Please.”

Carding his fingers through those short, chocolate brown hair Kurt leant forward and caught those red-bitten and luscious lips with his own. Sighing, he closed his eyes and fell into the kiss – his first, and oh my was it glorious. Never mind that it was with a girl, or that it was his own lips he was pressing against, the sparks racing from his lips through his body were just divine.

“Oh,” Kurt breathed, breaking away, a small frown appearing on his face. How could he had lived without that for so long? “Oh,” he sighed once more, dumbly.

“I- I thought you wanted to do something else, Kurt?” Rachel murmured, tracing her kiss-swollen lips with one fingertip. Looking up he could tell she was blushing, and he would need to remember how much it showed when he blushed – the pale skin contrasted so beautifully against those reddened cheeks.

“I do,” he whispered, sliding of the bed and settling between her spread legs, caressing her clothed thighs and watching her respond to his touch so greatly, so easily. Leaning forward Kurt nuzzled against that covered length, inhaling that sweet and musky scent, feeling heady with it. Dragging his mouth over her Kurt curled his fingers into the pants and inched them down, Rachel lifting her hips ever so little to help.

Within moments she was bare from the waist down, the so familiar thick length mere inches from his face, just screaming at him to act. But Kurt didn't immediately dive in on that deliciously pink cock, no, instead he sank down further, licking across those hairless balls; conscious that she, not acquainted with these kind of sensations, might not be able to hold off should he go straight for that big length.

Tonguing across the sensitive – and surprisingly delectable – skin Kurt pushed the long hair falling in front of his face back, frustrated with how it was getting in the way. Thankfully Rachel seemed to understand, and collecting all strands of hair she held on to it tightly behind his head, and he grunted his appreciation as he nosed at the base of the erection.

Gripping his shorter than usual fingers around the base of the dick Kurt started to lap tiny little kitten-licks around the shaft, leisurely working his way up to the bulbous head. Precum was already leaking from the slit, and he swallowed the small beads greedily, moaning softly at the taste. He may have tasted it from his fingers in the past, but what that lacked in comparison to this particular experience was devouring it straight from the source, adding a certain earthy flavor from the stretched out flesh.

Rachel was emitting a litany of noises herself; small mewls and desperate, quiet cries. Kurt could feel her grasping his hair harder, using it to guide him closer. “Please, just-” he could hear her plead, trying to get him to take her inside, and gentleman that he is – was, is, God was this confusing! – he acquaintances.

Opening his mouth wide Kurt takes the head in past his lips, getting a feel for what he was doing. The taste was something he could most certainly get used to, and the feeling of his lips being spread apart so grandly to accommodate the thickness of the length was heading.

Given the opportunities Kurt definitely saw himself becoming something of a cockslut.

“You okay?” Kurt murmured lowly, not taking many moments away from paying that slick hardness his attention.

“Y-yeah,” Rachel stuttered weakly, massaging her fingers into his head and coaxing him further down. “You can take more if you want. Just don't damage my voice!”

Kurt only grumbled around the cock that was already back in his mouth, and slowly pushed himself to take more of it, eyes rolling shut as inch by glorious inch passed his lips. To say he was surprised when feeling the length tap the back of his throat was an understatement, and he broke away quickly, staring up at Rachel with glistening eyes. “You don't have a gag-reflex?” he asked her incredulously. Kurt certainly had one, at it had infuriated him more than once when he'd practiced on his toys.

“W-well, no. I- I don't think so?” Rachel answered uncertainly, head still tipped back as she panted heavily, obviously doing her utmost not to blow any given second.

“Well, you lucky little-” Kurt huffed, anxious to try this out. He'd never been able to experience this particular feeling before, and he was sure to enjoy it while it lasted.

Cock back in his mouth Kurt soon felt that touch against his throat again, this time relaxing his agitated muscles so he could barrel on, taking even more than before. The wonderment of being capable of doing this certainly wasn't going to wear off, and the amazement of having his throat filled was too good to describe. He certainly would start practicing more than ever before when back in his normal body, this was far too amazing to give up.

Nose pressing against her belly Kurt gurgled around her base, eyes rolling back happily as he swallowed once, twice. He then drew back, heaving several deep breaths to fill his aching lungs. Though who cared about air when there were things so much better?

“Think you will come soon?” Kurt asked when he felt less like he would pass out, glancing up at Rachel as he lapped around the vein running up the now purple shaft.

“Mhmm,” Rachel hummed, nodding hastily, her eyes clamped shut and her mouth drawn tight, bottom lip sucked into her mouth.

“Then don't hold back,” Kurt advised, swallowing her down and hallowing his cheeks, milking her. The reverent and begging words falling from her lips as she drew nearer to her orgasm were like heaven to his lips, and when she at last spilled onto his tongue Kurt groaned in response, the taste exquisite.

He sucked her through her orgasm; only gentler, softer, soothing her through the strange explosion of pleasure she was experiencing. He could feel her softening in his mouth, and though sad about doing so Kurt released her, easing the pajama pants back up over her groin.

Still licking his lips Kurt helped her lie down on the bed, then fallowed and curled up beside her, cuddling close to her sweat-slick body. It was only when relaxed into the bed that Kurt took notice of the wet feeling soaking the panties he wore; so strange and awkward as he rubbed his thighs together, but he couldn't care much as the taste of cum still lingered on his tongue and hazed his mind.

“Do they always feel like that?” Rachel asked not long after, turning on her side to face him.

“What?”

“Orgasms. Do they always feel like that?” she elaborated, motioning her big and pale hands between them.

“I- I guess so,” Kurt guessed, and she nodded her head thoughtfully. Dread was pooling in the pit of his stomach. “Did you- have you never had an orgasm before?”

“Oh, female one's sure, but they're never like _that_ ,” Rachel supplied, easing his conscience of robbing her of her very first orgasm like this. “Think we could try this again before we turn back?” Rachel continued, surprising him even further.

Kurt could only nod dumbly, the thought of getting to try that at least _once more_... pleasant shivers ran down his spine.

“Anything else you want to try?” Kurt asked, needing any further surprises out of the way if he were to function at all while they were like this.

“Well...” Rachel began, blushing adorably as she looked down at the bedding. “I did always want to try something...”

Kurt waited for several moments, expecting her to continue. “Well, what?”

“I kind of... wanted to try oral myself,” Rachel told him, still staring intently at the mattress beneath them.

“Won't that be hard when...” And then he got it, when she looked up into his eyes. Oh. Oh. So she wanted to? Oh. “We can- we can definitely try that,” Kurt said shakily, the wetness between his legs getting closer to sopping as he continued to think about it. Though feeling somewhat wrong in this body, he was _most definitely _up for it. Not to mention he did owe it to Rachel.__

__“Good,” Rachel said, scooting down and laying her head on his chest. “Then I guess we'll take a nap, and then we'll do that. Wake me up in a few hours, okay?”_ _

__“Y-yeah,” Kurt breathed, mind still supplying him with arousing fantasies._ _

__God he couldn't wait for those two hours to pass._ _


End file.
